4 wheeling in Capitol Reef National Park (Hugh)

We reach Torrey and Capital Reef National Park. This is the view from the Reconnaissance Vehicle.
We are really in Hickville here.
It is bizarre indeed that someone will rent you a 4x4 for the day, tell you briefly about how to move the wing mirrors and how to close the boot, then say ta-raa and leave you to go anywhere you want.

We had a small very poorly printed map on a bit of newspaper which Sarah had picked up from somewhere, and vague instructions to follow the tarmac road until we see a small wooden sign to “Cathedral Valley” half a mile before a town called something-or-other. We find what purports to be the sign, after a good 45 minutes on the paved road, and dubiously turn off down a dirt track. This leads 26 miles through the desert and all sorts of weird rock formations, ultimately reaching an amazing outcrop of huge cliffs called Cathedral Valley.
We have brought “Once upon a time in the West” with us on DVD which we have all been watching together. It looks to us like this is where it was filmed. The kids are learning cowboy drawl “Looks like we’re shy of one horse”. “No, looks to me like you brought two horses too many”. Bang bang bang. Monty likes that bit.
There are distractions along the way here and there, and we keep the kids interested by allowing them to drive every now and then.
We have a great day, but do not see a soul until just before the end, about 90kms into our trip, when we meet a lovely old fellow repairing the road in a JCB. He admits to being quite pleased to see someone, and puts our mind at rest, that it’s only another 10 miles or so until the paved road. This comes as some relief, since it was 5 hours’ drive back the other way if there was no way through. And I have no idea what happens if the car breaks down. I guess they find you when the next idiots happen to drive past.

Scrambling around Bryce Canyon - Hugh

We travel on to Bryce Canyon. Another park for Reconnaissance Vehicles (RVs), this one a little less salubrious, even though advertised in Frommer’s etc. as “exceptional”. We are learning that this term means different things to different people. It’s fine though and it is perfectly placed for Bryce Canyon.

The eponymous Ebenezer Bryce described this canyon as “a helluva place to lose a cow”. Once you see it, you can see what he means.

Stupendous natural scenery (if you like canyons), perfect weather, and not too many people. Most of the yanks stay in their cars, or just get out for a few minutes, so we find mainly French sharing the more remote trails with us. Enjoy a terrific picnic having tramped the Navajo and Queen’s garden trails, although our kids travel almost the entire distance without setting foot on any trail.
Here’s a map for you Neil.
There are secret passages, scrambles, tunnels galore here so the kids have a good time.
Come 230 the team is tired though. Fortunately, we take the wrong bus and end up on a redundant loop going miles out of our way. At the endpoint, I make my excuses and jump off, taking an almost deserted trail 10 miles back to the RV camp while Sarah and the kids go for ice creams and fruitless trinket purchasing. I decide to run the route to get a bit of exercise, but learn to slow to a walk whenever I pass anyone, to avoid being asked whether I am alright. Perhaps this is because I am wearing a cowboy hat and running in open-toed sandals in 100 degrees heat at 9000 feet. After 8 miles and descending and ascending 2000 feet repeatedly between the rim and the canyon floor, I do finally begin to feel less than alright, but at Fairyland Point (oh yes) get chatting to some of the Americans looking over the edge and cadge a lift back to the RV park with them. Tremendous fun, and I return “home” to find that I am not even missed and that the team has had lots of fun eating ice creams, dressing up, and being bad so had to go to jail.

That night we go to the rodeo. Pretty nuts what these chaps get up to in their spare time. I think it contrasts with what they do in the day time.

The next day we ride through a slot canyon.

It turns out that our guide Hayes is a professional bull rider. He admits to earning “$2000 in about 16 seconds” only the night before which makes my tip look a little flimsy. He is 20. ‘you see a thirty year old ridin’ a bull, he’s an old fella’. His best pal was gored the same night and was at the time in intensive care having ruptured his spleen. ‘Don’t know yet if he’ll pull through’.

They have a great knack for understatement. A slot canyon is “not a great place to be if it rains.” We tell him that we hunt on horseback in the UK and he says “‘ridin a bull’s alot like jumpin’ a horse’. ‘I never broke anything but I had a knock to my chin once put me in a head brace for a year back in high school’.

Some RV Tips – Sarah

I have been developing a new skill set – high speed catering. I imagine this is a little like air-hostessing but without the fixed smile. I think the expression worn may be a little more inscrutable. As we hurtle down the free way at seventy I can now rustle up drinks on ice, sandwiches, fruit or other simple snacks, even freshly percolated coffee. I’ve yet to tackle an omelette.

High speed ablution - This is the kids’ new area of expertise, pretty self explanatory. Very amusing hearing “Mummy can you please wipe my bottom” from the front seats travelling at 70. We once also heard Monty – “Are we moving?” – when we pulled away from a grocery store, who was having his morning constitutional when we moved off, without us realising.

Try to remember to put the steps in before you drive anywhere so that you don’t end up strimming the verges on the right side of the freeway or taking out some poor cyclist. We travelled from Zion to Bryce Canyon (90 miles) with the steps out – they extend about 2 feet to the port side, adding somewhat to the already significant 8.5. And this was not the only time – they are completely mud-splattered now; I think we might have done this more than once.

Try to remember to put your “slider” in before you leave the camp ground, Our “rig” comes with a “slider” which adds to your living space by sliding the sofa and dining area about 4 feet to starboard. But you must remember to put your slider in before you leave the campground to avoid the embarrassment of having to stop and reel it in front of a dozen avid observers after driving half a mile through the site past them all with chins agog. “Mummy, why are those people waving at us?”

Try to remember to put the sun roof down before you go. Sun roofs that stick up like sails tend to do nothing for fuel consumption. 10 miles per gallon is bad enough, without using an airbrake.

Try to remember to shut all storage hatches before you leave the campground. “What’s that funny noise Daddy?” We have had so many terrible cars that we are almost immune to funny noises, and only worked out what this repetitive slamming sound was when we filled up with fuel some time later.

We have yet to forget to unhook the electricity and water but I think that will happen soon.

Monty amusing himself in the dining area while we journey around.

Eliza driving

Blogging in the front The dining room

Leaving Las Vegas (Hugh)

Up reasonably early to pack then cab it out to the RV rental center (sic) courtesy of an Armenian who corrects us when we don’t tip the appropriate 20%.


RV chicane is a very hot experience and we listen hard to pick up all the necessary tips. After an hour or so, we eventually set off, via WALLMART for hardware and FOOD FOR LESS for a staggering quantity of provisions. Our RV is 36 feet long, 12 feet high, 8 feet wide, sleeps 6 people (in theory) and has a “slider” which moves out electronically when you stop to create something approximately the size of our TV room at home.

We drive 2.5 hours to our first RV experience, the Zion Canyon RV park.

Sarah has been clever, this one is quite up-market. I immediately get RV envy – almost everyone has a nicer RV than us and most are towing Jeeps Renegade like our one at home. Some people have those aluminium AIRSTREAM Winnebagos; the one opposite us is from 1956. I love them and want one (of course), but I don’t think it would last even one Haslemere winter.

We rise late, for a 10am ride in a station wagon to Zion Canyon Park.
This canyon far exceeds my expectations, the walls rise sheer thousands of feet above us. We go hiking, splashing through the river at the upper reaches of the canyon.

At one point the river is 7 metres wide, and the cliffs 450 metres high above us.

Cool. I get all het up because I want to go back country hiking, but I can’t because I have 3 small children.


Get used to it Hugh.


The next day we go inner tubing on the Virgin River (you sit in an inner tube and float down the river). Not exactly class IV rapids these, but that’s probably a good thing as the kids have a fantastic time bobbing around.

We get married (Sarah)

I wake up on the morning of our "wedding" to find H armed with a cork screw determinedly trying to remove the huge white security alarm tag from the sleeve of the Cowboy shirt he’s bought especially for the ceremony. Judging by the damage that he’s managed to inflict so far, he’s been at it for a while but the device shows no sign of weakening. I suggest that it may be quicker to walk the ten minutes or so back to the shop but am given to understand that this is not the point, that would be giving in….

Anyway, he has a spare shirt, so with us girls all plaited up Annie-get-your-gun style we don our hats and head off for breakfast fully Cowboy suited and booted.


Down in the lift, past the malls, through the Casino floor, Reception, Concierge, this is still one hotel but it takes a good twenty minutes to walk from one end to the other. The city types clearly think that rednecks have hit town. We must look like Bonnie and Clyde with kids….

The thing that confuses me about US directions is that they always say Route so and so South or Route so and so North…. but of what point exactly? Logically the main highway through Vegas should go - from North to South: Las Vegas Boulevard North, Las Vegas Strip, Las Vegas Boulevard South, But no, our wedding chapel is at 600 Las Vegas Boulevard South, half a mile north of the strip – you still with me? The only way I saw any cabbie find anywhere outside the strip in Vegas was to telephone the place to where he was headed to get directions. Totally bonkers.

We get married again - Hugh

A champagne breakfast with the kids, then we cab it to a wedding chapel at completely the wrong end of the strip. Cabbie is horrified, but about turns and gets us to the correct chapel and on time.

Wedding is great fun. Monty is best man, girls bridesmaids, and Elvis escorts Sarah down the aisle. I get a bit emotional, which catches on, and the whole thing is really good fun and everybody has a good time.

We eat the wedding cake on the bus on the way home, then extravagantly throw the dregs into a bin.
Stop off at Circus Circus for a few rides,
then walk back to the hotel in 110 degree heat. A few errands while Sarah goes swimming (more shopping and mail retrieval), then off to Bellagio for the Cirque du Soleil “O” show. Awesome. We watch the fountain show at 930, then cab it back to the hotel.

Notes on the wedding day - Sarah

Elvis: Our Elvis turns out to be the tallest and most Elvis like man in the world, we really do look like gnomes in comparison, please see wedding pics to follow at some point. The whole thing was very very silly and I want to do it again.




The Best man: Monty takes ages to get the ring out of its brown paper package during the service…..he is concentrating verrry hard, a top best man effort.

Re: ‘A few shopping errands’ above, please note that the wedding shirt no longer has the security device attached.

Swimming = People watching. You don’t go swimming in Vegas actually to swim. You hide behind your sunglasses and watch reality unfold, great sport.

Cirque du Solais: I have been wanting to see the ‘O’ show in Vegas since I can remember and I wasn’t disappointed. It is quite simply breathtaking and if anyone reading this gets the chance to go – jump at it.

I booked so far in advance that we had front row seats right on the rim of the huge flooded stage, so close that you could make eye contact with the performers. Sitting there you were immersed in the performance in more ways than one –splattered with water as they plunged in or played the fool. Spectacular feats of human ability and imagination unfolded before our popping out eyes. This show could not be further away in terms of wonderment from the Rain forests of Central America but every bit as beautiful. An amazing celebration of human endurance, theatrics and artistry taking place in the middle of what by rights should be an arid desert. Wow.

At the end Eliza was presented with a rubber ring used in one of the clowns’ acts, it remains a treasured possession.

Fly in to Vegas - Sarah

A Las Vegas kid I meet on the plane who looks about thirty but turns out to be sixteen, named Ricky Gomez tells me its so hot there you can fry an egg on the bonnet of your car, I start to question his authority only when as we fly over the Grand Canyon he cries eagerly “Guys, look look we’re flying over the whaddaya call it….. The Big Crack”

Turns out he’s not wrong though, the heat as you walk out of the airport takes your breath away, luckily it appears that 98% of the geographical area of Vegas is air-conditioned. The other 2% is generally avoided by anyone other than the lizards. Just turning up at this place must double the size of your lifetime carbon footprint.

Having not travelled to the States recently I am suitably impressed when immigration control scans and records each of my fingerprints using some sort of fluorescent green screeny thing. I suddenly imagine being a master criminal or James Bond Villain. Would it be possible to get rubber fingerprints made up in order to travel incognito? Or on the flip side what if you presented your fingertips only for sirens to sound, lights to flash and armed guards appear from nowhere tackling you to the floor. Maybe terrorists could have copied your fingerprints from a half eaten Dunkin’ Donut and you could spend years incarcerated for a crime you never committed. Make a mental note to wipe all restaurant cutlery clean after use to be on the safe side.

Hugh is ‘recognised as friend’ and allowed in to the country after placing only his thumb on the glass. He adopts an immediate air of superiority. Unfortunately for the kids they are yet to young for this excitement.

Think H pretty much covered everything else, except that our hotel has a river running through it….. on the first floor…...with Gondolas and streets and a realllllly cool fake sky.
So authentic in fact that Monty spends the rest of the visit to Vegas having to check whether the real sky is the real sky or not, even when we get into the helicopter he takes a bit of persuading.

Oh and our room is on the 17th floor out of 54,
it has three TV’s and a phone in the loo in case you get a sudden urge to talk and eleven swimming pools (not our room, the hotel) ….
and a pirate ship battle to watch from our window.
Sensory overload. We eat cookies and pass out.