Collecting firewood (Monty)

We went to collect wood one morning. On the way Daddy did some jumping and Mima said ooooh can I video you please and so Daddy did the jumping again.
When we got wood I said to Daddy can this wood be my boat please and so we made a boat out of the wood. We found a nail and banged the nail in the boat with the hammer and put a sail on made from a bin. Then we went to the lake to sail the boat but it didn’t work very well.

Flaming Gorge - Eliza’s Blog

Daddy and Mummy woke up at five o’clock in the morning and drove us to the forest while we were asleep in our beds. We slept for three hours until eight o’ clock and then we woke up and had breakfast in a big café. We started off on our own in the restaurant then a few more people came and more people came and more and more until the restaurant was full. Monty had one egg, Eliza had one egg and Daddy had two eggs and we all had some bacon and toast and hash browns. Mummy had a western omelette and Mima had a ham and cheese omelette. After breakfast we helped mummy find some camp sites.

First we found one near a really big lake that was very crowded and it had lots of boats there. But we all decided that it was a bit toooo crowded. So then we carried on and we had two more hours to get to a different campsite with a little pond and beautiful flowers around it and we went up to the top of the camp site but we thought it was a bit too crowded too.

So we carried on and had a half an hour drive to the first Bear Country camp site so we went inside and looked for some spaces, it was a bit crowded but um there were a few spaces though.
We had a little explore around the camp site and Mummy decided that it wasn’t such a good camp site because it wasn’t near water so we went on and had another half an hour drive to a brown sign and we thought it might have been a camp site, it was a very long drive down a bumpy track to the camp site and right at the end there were quad bikers and they were in front and one got stuck and then carried on behind us when his mates carried on without him so we let him past and we found out that his friends were waiting for him after all.

So we went on and saw free spaces and we saw a river right next to them and we parked our RV in the one that was next to the river but then we explored and walked to the pond and we saw reallllly cool place so daddy and Monty and Mima went to get the RV and me and mummy stayed by the space in case any body arrived. So daddy and Monty and Mima took aggggggges and me and mummy had enough to talk about all the things we saw on the holiday. It was really cold when we were talking so we started to run about in circles. Then finally Daddy and Mima and Monty came. And then daddy went past the bit were mummy wanted him to go and he went round to the other bit of the parking space and he parked there instead.

Then we put the yellow things under the wheels for our first time, it was cool. Daddy went forward a bit and he put the wheels on top of the yellow things and it stayed high.

So then we had a picnic which mummy made for lunch. Then we balanced on the fence and walked and we came to a path and the path was a walk so we followed the path and the path ended by the pond where the cows were.
There was lots of long grass there and it was as tall as Monty and Monty couldn’t see anything. We had to cross two rivers and we jumped over one and we went over a really wobbly bridge but luckily nobody fell in. When we passed the bridge we saw some footprints, mummy spotted some heron kind of footprints and deer footprints and Jemima found some cow footprints but we didn’t find any bears.

Mummy found some sticks in the pond so we all used them as spears. We carried on and there were lots if holes in the ground and we used our sticks as balancers. We balanced ourselves on them and Jemima used them to check if the cow poo was new cow poo or not by poking the stick in the crust.

Then we went on and climbed some rocks. Mummy and Monty were climbing rocks too, we stopped and saw an eagle flying around, it landed in the water so we thought it might be a fish eagle. There was a very smelly fishy smell so we tried to find a dead fish or fish bones that the eagle had dropped but we couldn’t.

And then we carried on and we went scrambling a bit on the rocks. While me Mima and Daddy were scrambling, Monty and Mummy found a hammer and a bear clue. Then mummy and Monty caught up with us so we all carried on and went to a bridge with a good rubber ring place to slide down. Daddy said it was a bit too rocky for a rubber ring ride so we decided that we maybe wouldn’t do it so that we wouldn’t pop our rubber ring. Then we had a stick race and Jemima’s stick won and Eliza’s was second and daddy’s was last. Mummy and Monty didn’t do it they were the judges instead of being a racer. Then mummy saw a really really big dandelion clock and me Mima Monty and mummy blew it out all together and we made a special little wish.

We came back to the RV and we lit a really big fire. First it started out as a teeny flame then we put some watery stuff on it that helped it light then me Monty and Daddy said that we should poke the fire and get our sticks on fire while Mummy was asleep because it was her special evening.

Then Monty decided to throw his stick in the fire because his stick didn’t go on fire but I kept mine in case it got really hot and then it managed to get on fire and that did happen. Mummy had a special grey stick that she thought she was going to burn but Monty asked if he could borrow it to poke with so mummy finally said yes and Monty and me got the fire going again. I put lots of wood in the big pocket of my stripey jumper that I got from the Scilly Isles. I put all the wood in the fire and the fire started going really well then Mummy joined in because she wanted to help and she was the best mummy in the world then because she got the fire going really really well with all the wood.

Then we made a special dinner for Mummy, the starter was chicken noodle soup it was very nice we drank it all up. Mummy said she had always wanted us to try it but we said no because we were being cheeky cheeky chip monks. Then we went back to the fire and the fire was out again and me and Monty got it working again and Daddy decided he wanted to cook steak so we cooked Mummy steak and the potatoes were nearly ready that had been put in the fire ages ago. The steak was ready really quickly and Daddy made it really nice for Mummy, Mummy enjoyed her special evening very much.

Then just before it was time to go to bed Daddy did a very very long wee on the fire and Monty did part of it too. It was really really funny and lots of smoke came up and it was smelly. Then we went to bed and we all fell asleep. The end.

Hope you enjoyed my blog.

Our special nights (Jemima)

Each evening since we have been in the RV, we have all had a special afternoon or night where it goes, in line, Mummy, [Daddy], Monty, Eliza, Jemima. For example, the first night Mummy had a night when she didn’t do anything. We cooked her tomato soup with Basil and cheese, then for Main Course we cooked her chicken and rice and for pudding me Monty and Eliza enjoyed chocolate chip cookies.

Then it was my special night at Moab and they made me a special bed to sit in while they made tomato soup for starter, then spaghetti with tuna for Main Course, then very rich chocolate brownies for pudding (I could hardly eat them because they were so rich).

I like doing special evenings because it is fun to make people happy that they don’t have to do everything every night. And I like cooking myself as it is fun shopping and making pancakes and stuff like that. I have learnt how to cook and do all the washing up how sometimes it can be a bit busy to do cutting, cooking, and other things like that.

The tricycles (Jemima)

Well, we had seen lots of children going past in 3 wheeled bikes and had been wanting to have a go for a long time. So one day Daddy went out cycling and Mummy said that we could go and rent some 3 wheeled bikes and have fun as we didn’t really have anything to do. We didn’t really know what to do at first so we had to work out what to do. They steer by knocking to either side with your body and you are only in contact with the front wheel so you only pedal with the front wheel and the back two wheels come with you. So we took off having paid whatever the price was and went all the way down the hill. Monty got a bit stuck so Mummy had to help him while Eliza and I were already at the caravan all the way down the hill waiting for Monty and Mummy. We went up to the top again without Mummy as Mummy went back to the caravan and read her book called “One Good Turn” [actually I did the laundry and prepared for biscuit cooking and did the rubbish; Ed].

The Hummer ride (Monty)

We went on the Hummer. Mima’s hair went up in the wind it was like something that had one horn like a rhinoceros. The man that could drive was called Lamont and we went on the cliffs and we saw some dinosaur footprints.
We went really steep and Mummy screamed.
I put my legs up in the air – that was the funny part and Eliza and Mummy copied me. We went down a really steep hill and Daddy and another Daddy videoed us and we went up forwards up a small bluff and then we went backwards up a bluff and then we stopped halfway down a bluff and the back wheel was about one and a half meters off the ground and Mummy screamed again and Daddy laughed a lot as he wasn’t in the Hummer then. Then we went up a steep hill backwards.
We were halfway up the hill and he said put your hands up children and then he did a really funny joke and let the brakes go so we went down really fast. Mummy screamed again. Lamont said he liked it when we screamed because it meant that he was doing his job properly.




Then we saw a pack-rat nest with all the rubbish in and the pack rat wasn’t there but we found all the nuts that it ate that looked like little poos. Then we did another strong man photo.

Moab (Hugh)

It is testament to Sarah’s long suffering good nature that in times past, when I ask to go somewhere that sounds weird that’s a “whole bunch a’ miles out a’ our way”, she thinks nothing of it until it’s too late and I have booked myself a day’s kayaking (etc.) on the local amusements blabla. Experience has shown that this is not always the best way to achieve marital harmony though, so on this occasion I forewarn the team that I would like to head for a place called Moab which is a Mecca for mountain biking and spend a bit of time thrashing around on a bike.

This forward planning proves well placed. As we cruise Main Street past outfits offering everything from biking “thru’” canyoning, whitewater, skydiving, ATVing and so on, I am spared that sideways look as it dawns on Sarah why we are actually here.

I have ‘phoned ahead, and booked a morning guided ride with the boys from “Rim Mountain Bike Tours”, and I chicane with them as we pass through towards our camp. The girl taking my cash looks dubiously at my waistline as she warns me that “The SlickRock Trail” is the hardest guided ride they offer, not one for the faint hearted and a good four hours long. I am asked whether I want to be picked up even earlier than the scheduled 630am start, but I decline this kind thought. I have no bike shoes, as the 10kgs luggage limit on our earlier South America legs didn’t allow such comforts, but I find some second hand dwarf size SPDs in a superb 2nd hand store down the road called Wabi Sabi. As the sun sets, I can look out of our Reconnaissance Vehicle at the Sandstone Monolith which houses the SlickRock Trail. Looking forward to tomorrow alright.

630am comes around, and I leave the team slumbering as I stuff in a breakfast of 4 KitKats and some stale bread before hooking up with “Coen”, my guide for the morning. Coen is around 30 and sports what we used to call “bugger grips”, as worn by Mr. Comer back at school. He’s a top man, just back from a 23 day self-supported race from Canada to Mexico, in which each day ranged between 70 and 125 miles (off-road). That’s a really long way, especially carrying all your own gear. I begin to feel a little nervous and start to eye my own waistline as we near the trail head. Yet again, I have talked up my game, but feel on slightly surer ground this time and leap confidently onto my given mount. I have a brand new Santa Cruz Ultralite, the men’s version of the bike which Neil rides back in Haslemere. [Here's a map for you Neil]
Like Neil’s, this has a low crossbar, specifically designed for the riding out here, where your Balearics are constantly at risk from the steep drop-offs and inclines. I charge enthusiastically off around the “parking lot”, only to end up going over the handlebars on the flattest, least challenging piece of tarmac, right in front of Coen the guide before we even start. In the States, the front brake and back brake are the other way around. Very funny.

He switches the brakes around, because the US setup simply isn’t going to work for me, and then we are off. There is no “single track” here, or double track or anything else frankly. It’s just 13 miles of red sandstone, up and down like a bride’s nightie, with a few paint marks showing you where to go. You could do it without a guide, sure, but you wouldn’t know which bits are rideable and at what speed, and you could quite easily get lost or go off an edge into a canyon and never be seen again.
Coen has plenty of stores about such mishaps. I am glad for the company, and he is super-encouraging as he shows me how to ride this stuff. I get round the whole thing without having to walk, which is good given my Las Vegas waistline and end up chasing him hard up some of the longer hills and even overtaking him up one particularly long one. At this point it becomes his turn to eye my waistline and make some half-hearted excuse about not being himself today.

I take a few goes at a few of the steeps, and one particular one has a small crowd gathered to see the old bloke with a beard fall off again and again, but the steeps are all conquered in the end. The amazing thing about his rock is that your back tire never ever skids. Ever. This means that your ability to ride up a hill is limited only by your ability to get your weight forward. If you have a lot of weight, then that helps quite a lot. The trick is to stay in the saddle as long as you can, riding “on the rivet” as Phil Liggett says, and then when the front wheel starts to lift, you stand on your pedals and lean right over the front. On the way down, you just go with it, and hope that there is an “up” soon enough to slow you down again..

It takes a lot less time than the nice lady in the shop estimated from my waistline so the team has barely breakfasted by the time I return to the Reconnaissance Vehicle at 1030am, so we are all happy enough and later I buy myself some unnecessary gear with “MOAB” written all over it so I can rub the fellas’ noses in it when I get home. Hee hee.

We spend the rest of the day in Arches National Park which is super-cool. We visit quite a few Arches here and there, generally not by the specified paved trail, and end up in the Sand Dune Arch, so called because it has some sand dunes and an arch. We take pictures of ourselves jumping “really high”.

4 wheeling in Capitol Reef National Park (Hugh)

We reach Torrey and Capital Reef National Park. This is the view from the Reconnaissance Vehicle.
We are really in Hickville here.
It is bizarre indeed that someone will rent you a 4x4 for the day, tell you briefly about how to move the wing mirrors and how to close the boot, then say ta-raa and leave you to go anywhere you want.

We had a small very poorly printed map on a bit of newspaper which Sarah had picked up from somewhere, and vague instructions to follow the tarmac road until we see a small wooden sign to “Cathedral Valley” half a mile before a town called something-or-other. We find what purports to be the sign, after a good 45 minutes on the paved road, and dubiously turn off down a dirt track. This leads 26 miles through the desert and all sorts of weird rock formations, ultimately reaching an amazing outcrop of huge cliffs called Cathedral Valley.
We have brought “Once upon a time in the West” with us on DVD which we have all been watching together. It looks to us like this is where it was filmed. The kids are learning cowboy drawl “Looks like we’re shy of one horse”. “No, looks to me like you brought two horses too many”. Bang bang bang. Monty likes that bit.
There are distractions along the way here and there, and we keep the kids interested by allowing them to drive every now and then.
We have a great day, but do not see a soul until just before the end, about 90kms into our trip, when we meet a lovely old fellow repairing the road in a JCB. He admits to being quite pleased to see someone, and puts our mind at rest, that it’s only another 10 miles or so until the paved road. This comes as some relief, since it was 5 hours’ drive back the other way if there was no way through. And I have no idea what happens if the car breaks down. I guess they find you when the next idiots happen to drive past.

Scrambling around Bryce Canyon - Hugh

We travel on to Bryce Canyon. Another park for Reconnaissance Vehicles (RVs), this one a little less salubrious, even though advertised in Frommer’s etc. as “exceptional”. We are learning that this term means different things to different people. It’s fine though and it is perfectly placed for Bryce Canyon.

The eponymous Ebenezer Bryce described this canyon as “a helluva place to lose a cow”. Once you see it, you can see what he means.

Stupendous natural scenery (if you like canyons), perfect weather, and not too many people. Most of the yanks stay in their cars, or just get out for a few minutes, so we find mainly French sharing the more remote trails with us. Enjoy a terrific picnic having tramped the Navajo and Queen’s garden trails, although our kids travel almost the entire distance without setting foot on any trail.
Here’s a map for you Neil.
There are secret passages, scrambles, tunnels galore here so the kids have a good time.
Come 230 the team is tired though. Fortunately, we take the wrong bus and end up on a redundant loop going miles out of our way. At the endpoint, I make my excuses and jump off, taking an almost deserted trail 10 miles back to the RV camp while Sarah and the kids go for ice creams and fruitless trinket purchasing. I decide to run the route to get a bit of exercise, but learn to slow to a walk whenever I pass anyone, to avoid being asked whether I am alright. Perhaps this is because I am wearing a cowboy hat and running in open-toed sandals in 100 degrees heat at 9000 feet. After 8 miles and descending and ascending 2000 feet repeatedly between the rim and the canyon floor, I do finally begin to feel less than alright, but at Fairyland Point (oh yes) get chatting to some of the Americans looking over the edge and cadge a lift back to the RV park with them. Tremendous fun, and I return “home” to find that I am not even missed and that the team has had lots of fun eating ice creams, dressing up, and being bad so had to go to jail.

That night we go to the rodeo. Pretty nuts what these chaps get up to in their spare time. I think it contrasts with what they do in the day time.

The next day we ride through a slot canyon.

It turns out that our guide Hayes is a professional bull rider. He admits to earning “$2000 in about 16 seconds” only the night before which makes my tip look a little flimsy. He is 20. ‘you see a thirty year old ridin’ a bull, he’s an old fella’. His best pal was gored the same night and was at the time in intensive care having ruptured his spleen. ‘Don’t know yet if he’ll pull through’.

They have a great knack for understatement. A slot canyon is “not a great place to be if it rains.” We tell him that we hunt on horseback in the UK and he says “‘ridin a bull’s alot like jumpin’ a horse’. ‘I never broke anything but I had a knock to my chin once put me in a head brace for a year back in high school’.

Some RV Tips – Sarah

I have been developing a new skill set – high speed catering. I imagine this is a little like air-hostessing but without the fixed smile. I think the expression worn may be a little more inscrutable. As we hurtle down the free way at seventy I can now rustle up drinks on ice, sandwiches, fruit or other simple snacks, even freshly percolated coffee. I’ve yet to tackle an omelette.

High speed ablution - This is the kids’ new area of expertise, pretty self explanatory. Very amusing hearing “Mummy can you please wipe my bottom” from the front seats travelling at 70. We once also heard Monty – “Are we moving?” – when we pulled away from a grocery store, who was having his morning constitutional when we moved off, without us realising.

Try to remember to put the steps in before you drive anywhere so that you don’t end up strimming the verges on the right side of the freeway or taking out some poor cyclist. We travelled from Zion to Bryce Canyon (90 miles) with the steps out – they extend about 2 feet to the port side, adding somewhat to the already significant 8.5. And this was not the only time – they are completely mud-splattered now; I think we might have done this more than once.

Try to remember to put your “slider” in before you leave the camp ground, Our “rig” comes with a “slider” which adds to your living space by sliding the sofa and dining area about 4 feet to starboard. But you must remember to put your slider in before you leave the campground to avoid the embarrassment of having to stop and reel it in front of a dozen avid observers after driving half a mile through the site past them all with chins agog. “Mummy, why are those people waving at us?”

Try to remember to put the sun roof down before you go. Sun roofs that stick up like sails tend to do nothing for fuel consumption. 10 miles per gallon is bad enough, without using an airbrake.

Try to remember to shut all storage hatches before you leave the campground. “What’s that funny noise Daddy?” We have had so many terrible cars that we are almost immune to funny noises, and only worked out what this repetitive slamming sound was when we filled up with fuel some time later.

We have yet to forget to unhook the electricity and water but I think that will happen soon.

Monty amusing himself in the dining area while we journey around.

Eliza driving

Blogging in the front The dining room